BREAKING NEWS: THE CUP IS RESCUED

In a covert rescue mission planned and executed by Dan Awad, the Coptic Ryder Cup was back in the possession of the its rightful owners on late Saturday night. The day of redemption for the Dan began on saturday morning when he along with Mark Michail destroyed the duo responsible for the theft of the Cup Mina Grace and Joe Messeiha. After nine holes, Dan and Mark were up SEVEN. The match ended on the 13th when Mark sank a breaking 15 foot birdie putt to win 7 and 5. As they were leaving the golf course, criminal #1 Joe Messeiha taunted Mark Michail by raising the Cup through his sunroof. Later in the evening, while enjoying dinner at Camp Ticondaroga, Dan rescued the Cup. Dan will provide details of the rescue mission along with pictures.

NEWSFLASH: The Cup Goes to Red Coat!!

Our daily adventures with "The Cup" have taken us to our favorite burger joint (in the world), Red Coat Tavern. Here, our lovely waitress, Melanie, was kind enough to kiss it, "The Cup" that is.

And while well wishers around us were curious as to why this shiny object was joining us for dinner, Mina Grace was kind enough to give the good people a background story on "The Cup" and how it came into our possession. Editor's note: notice the "west side" in the back. That guy is truly gangster.

While celebrating, Mina believed that there would be no better way to enjoy his Newcastle than to drink it out of (a recently cleaned) "The Cup."

On a side note, I'd like to welcome back Dr. Nader Attia who has been in California for the past 3 months. He will be staying with us on a semi-permanant basis as he will be doing his residency in Garden City for the next 3 years. Congrats Dr. Attia!

And while this has nothing to do with our visit to Red Coat, I recently played tennis with Amy Jarvis (Joe's wife for those of you who don't know). She was kind enough...well actually she was more than willing to... snap a photo with the cup for the pure comedy of it. She's a trooper...Joe, not so much.

Once again...enjoy bitches.

Keep the Cup

After seeing the pictures . . . . I think they should keep the cup. . .

First. . . it appears that Mina gets great sexual pleasure by putting a large metal and granite bowl on his crotch. . . . take a look at his expression. . . . I don't mean to judge. . . but. . . get some help. . .

Second. . . I heard that Fuji was trying to breastfeed the cup. . . again. . . get some help.

Both of you. . .get some help

I have called for a special meeting of the Coptic Ryder Cup Executive Committee and we are discussing the appropriate penalty for stealing the Cup.

The following penalties are being discussed. Failure to comply with these penalties may be grounds for denial of entry to future Coptic Ryder Cups.

Penalty for Mina Grace:

Re-create the famous figure skating picture (must wear all white with a red Beret)
Sing "I'm a little tee pot" on video tape

Penalty for Fuji
Plastic surgery to reduce his C-Cups down to B-Cups
Personal chef for the older team for a period of one year

THE CUP IS OURS!

First and foremost..."The Cup" is ours. How long it is ours depends on you. A short list of demands has been prepared, mind you, this isn't a final list. I'm sure there will be more to come...



1. Mark has to lose 30 lbs and be a size 36 waist.

2. The team must karaoke to the team song, Rick Astley's "Never gonna give you up".

3. Dan and Jarvis have to decree on video that they will stop touching each other inappropriately.

4. Karim must stick a whole "CHIARA" in his mouth and swallow it.


A preliminary negotiation with Mark Michail earlier today proved to be unfruitful as the following demands were met with, "You can shove them up my ass!" Why Mark insists on having things shoved up his ass is beyond me. He further threatened me by saying he would post alleged pictures of Mina Grace wearing a certain outfit. And swore that, "Mina Grace will never find a female date in all of North America, although Brian Boitano said he's interested." He then threatened me with promises of posting "dirty jokes" that my father (MY FATHER!) had allegedly said. While we all know my father has a more liberal sense of humor than most other Egyptian fathers, there is no need to bring the elderly into this.

In reality, all I see are empty threats. Empty threats that Mark cannot go through with because he doesn't have the means to do so. I see a desperate man willing to say whatever he can in order to get "HIS" precious cup back. So until our demands are met we will be keeping the cup. Just so we don't rob the older team of seeing their precious cup, we will post daily pictures of the younger team enjoying their time with the cup...










Enjoy bitches.

NEW FLASH!

I have obtained a picture of the Cup with the two assholes who stole it. . . . They have dismembered it. . . . . . . . .

Hey assholes. . . did you guys like getting beat during the sunday matches 3 and 2 by me and Miro. Did YA!!!

I guess I will have to beat you again.

Wanted - the Coptic Ryder Cup and these two stupid idiots

The Coptic Ryder Cup was STOLEN on Wednesday June 13, 2007 from the home of Dan Awad who was the holder of the cup during the month of June. These two Darwin awards finalist were invited to Dan's home for a meal. While Dan was outside grilling, the suspects decided to STEAL the cup. The CRIMINALS decided to BRAG about stealing the cup to other members of the loosing team. Team Captain Mark Michail was informed of the rumors on Friday night while in Toronto by one of the members of the losing team. To make matters worse, it appears that Dan Awad was not aware of the theft until he was informed of the rumors by Mark Michail on Monday morning. . . .

If the Cup is not returned to Dan Awad or Mark Michail by June 20, 2007 at 7:00pm . . . . . methods will be utilized to insure the safe return of the Cup. I got pics and they will be posted. . . . what do you call a guy with a white outfit, white figure skates, a red Beret, and posing like a little tee pot? let me see . . . . . MINA GRACE !! that's what you call it. YOU GOT TWO DAYS!! If you defile the cup like you have threatened too (piss on the cup) . . . . . . the pics will be released. . . The outcome is up to you. . . .

OLDER TEAM WINS

In a comeback to rival the 1999 US Ryder Cup comeback in Brookline, Mass, the older team came back on Sunday to win 4 out of 5 matches to win the Coptic Ryder Cup 14-12.

The team was presented with the Coptic Ryder Cup Trophy. Team Captain Mark Michail has decided to give each player the Cup for one month. The self-appointed MVP Dan Awad was given the Cup for the month of June. Dan stated "the wedding picture is coming off the mantle for this!"

In a sad moment, an unidentified team member from the younger team placed the blame for the loss of the younger team on team captain Andrew Isaac. I quote "we should have put together two solid team to make sure we got two wins". . .

The winning captain, Mark Michail, was quoted as saying, "The only thing worse than the younger team losing like that was me acting like a 4 year old after I 3-putted from 5 feet away. . . . . ok maybe what happened between the 3rd and 4th hole on Saturday morning was worse also."

The least valuable player award was presented to Joe Elias who somehow managed to lose both matches 4 and 3. In fact, Joe Elias has not won a match the past two years. . .

The final points are as follows:
Older team
Miro - 2.5 points
Peter - 2.5 points
Dan - 2.0 points
Mark 2.0 points
Asem 1.5 points
Karim 1.0 point
Joe J. 1.0 point
Charlie 1.0 point
Sam .5 point
Joe A. a couple of nice putts and chips
Total 14 points

Younger team
Eddie 2.5 points
George 2.5 points
Mina 1.5 points
Andy 1.0 point
Mike 1.0 point
Alfred 1.0 point
Amgad 1.0 point
John 1.0 point
Joe M. .5 point
Joe E. a liter of Grey Goose, one monster drive, and one good putt on saturday morning.
Total 12 points

IT BEGINS

After months of trash talking, and other discussions. . .the THIRD ANNUAL COPTIC RYDER CUP STARTS. . . .

As Captain of the older team, I would like to remind my team members to always remember to practice good sportsmanship. Some suggestions include not laughing out loud after beating a younger team 8 and 7, not laughing at juju after he puts his drive into the woods for the 8th time, and not smiling after you win a hole by 3 strokes. I know it may he hard to do these things. . . but please try. . .

With that said. . . . Andy, Juju, Beesh, Al, Fuji, Mina, John, Eddie, Amgad, and Eddie's cousin. . . . SORRY . . . but this is going to be worse than the paintball beating of 2000. You guys have NO CHANCE . . . . .